I admit that I've changed. Changed since primary school, since secondary school. & I believe that I'm changing for the better whether or not people around me feel the same way as I do.
People who don't really know me only see the Current Me - people gave me names like GPA 4.0, Scholar, Smart one etc. They don't know what I was like before all these. I'm like any of you, I tried, I failed, I tried again and again before I get to where I am TODAY.
Primary School was probably my lousiest times of all. I failed a lot. I failed at Science, failed at Maths before. I cried when I failed - a common reaction. People who see the current me wouldn't really feel me, know all these failures. I was VERY BAD at Maths. I would always do problem sums and get stucked and cried cause I felt dumb, lousy and then run to my parents to help me solve the question cause I don't want to submit an assignment with blanks. I feared FRACTIONS. I feared a lot of maths chapters, there were just too much for me at that time.
As cliché as it might seem: Practice Makes Perfect. Well, not always perfect, but definitely improvements.
In primary school, I did care about grades. Just like any child would want to outshine the others. & that my mum is strict, I always place my lousiest graded subject exam paper at the back of the others. This also happened in secondary school.
Secondary school was getting more competitive. Everyone is HUNGRY FOR A1s. I was hungry too. Like in one episode of Let's Talk 3 they said "Getting A is addictive, once you get it, you yearn for more" It's true. No one wants to let go/give up a better option right?
Worst year was in Secondary 3. Had to adapt to fast-paced learning environment with hardworking people and some the really Bright Ones. I was devastated whenever I received my Geography test results. HORRIBLE -Grade F9 something I've not seen before in Pri School, Sec 1 & 2. I admit that I did cry and brood over it. But crying and brooding over it WON'T change my results or make myself improve.
I seeked help from my closest friend, E. She was good at Geography and I compared the ways we answered and approached the questions. I could see why I got a F9. & in the end I managed to score A1s like the rest did. So from then on, I wouldn't be too affected by results, I was eager to learn how to improve.
Turn Failures into Learning and Self-Improvement. There's always a reason for something to happen. If you fail, there's a reason. If you do badly, there's a reason. Take the positive side & think how you are going to prevent future failures etc.
Coming to POLY changed my life a lot. Like what usually people think - JCs for the academically inclined. True to certain extent. In POLY, your class is made up of various people with different learning ability & capability. It was different from in Sec3 & 4 where everyone is almost very hardworking.
Since I was from a slightly better than average school and was in a better class, I felt a little weird. Maybe because I was exposed to a lot of things in secondary school, I felt like I experienced and knew slightly more than the rest. & maybe because i was from a hardworking class, I was able to cope well and do well for my modules at a much easier level than the rest. It's both luck and hardwork for me to be in the top few.
Sometimes I'm over-confident, and think badly "I should be better than the rest, I was from triple science, why/how can I score lower than them" and would kind of dislike people doing better than me. It's like a pride, jealousy kind of issue. I dislike that side of myself.
But I changed when I started Year 2. Now I see almost everyone are capable of doing well. & I don't see them as a threat as I used to. Instead, now I see them as my old classmates back in sec school days which help me to be consistently hardworking. Some of my friends (other courses) say whenever they see me around school I looked like I've a lot free time - LEPAK KIND. Outside classroom, I tend to be more cheerful and joke around and in class I'm more serious. They don't see my serious mode as often.
Like recently I received my grades - 5 As, 1 Distinction, 1 B+. I was pretty happy compared to last semester where a B+ made myself think a lot and brood over it. This time I prepared myself for the worst results I could ever receive cause I felt like I didn't give my best. I was actually expecting like 3Bs so having seeing As, Dist and ONLY 1 B+ made my day. & I told my friends even if I did score badly, I will give myself 5-10mins to relieve all my sadness and move on. Results won't change no matter what, only thing left to do is move on and do better for the next.
I AM still hungry for As. But now its like if there's A I will take it, else whatever grade is left I will take it too. I'm NOT a scholar. I just merely accepted a scholarship so that I can save my parents from spending on my school fees. I bet each year they have to pay around $3k just for me to study. & people always see scholar as academically smart or what. These people should go for an interview with the panel of judges. They don't give scholarships just because we do well academically. They don't ask anything about your results or modules. Just want to tell you, I'm just like any other students LIKE YOU, HE, SHE, THEY and only that I'm lucky that my school fees are well taken care of by the school and that my efforts are recognised.
Doing academically well is just our duties as students.
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